Twenty years old, babysitting at a local hotel. I walk down the long carpeted hallway searching for the room number. Everything is new and fancy. I envy the tourists as I think of the dishes at home waiting to be washed, and wanting to be on my own.
Two knocks. Door opens. I know right away as I look at the parents that they are people who like to party and have fun.
“This is Cole” the mother says. She has on a cute simple black dress and short blond hair cut in the old Ann Hesche style. The father is quiet and constantly looks the mother over. He’s obviously feeling horny. I wonder if he is even the child’s father.
“Hi Cole!” I say smiling down on him. Straight blond hair, round face and thick structure. He looks subdued and looks back at me with pale blue eyes. I notice the mother and guy are looking into each other’s eyes and smiling while talking softly. They are totally oblivious that Cole and I are in the room. I clear my throat. The mother looks at me startled then babbles on about where they can be reached and what time they should be back etc. I stand there holding Cole’s hand as they walk out the door laughing and joking amongst themselves without one backward glance. Lovers in their own world. It was all too obvious. Perhaps not a bad thing…..perhaps.
Cole is quiet. I play with him that night. He shows me his toys. I notice he likes animals. It’s dark outside but I don’t bother to draw the curtains. I see lights from houses. If I look long enough, I could see the ocean in the darkness. We’re on the bed. I’m daydreaming about having my own apartment, Cole quietly colors in his little book.
“I don’t like my parents” he suddenly says softly. His soft voice cuts through the stillness of the evening and interrupts my daydream. He continues coloring…doesn’t bother to look up. “I really don’t like them” he softly says again. This strikes me as no surprise.
“Why not?” I ask, becoming alert. He shrugs his shoulders and I watch the crayon in his fat little hand scribble furiously.
“Can I come live with you?” he asks. He looks at me then. Wide blue eyes that are sincere and pleading. His cheeks are rosy and he patiently awaits my reply.
“You can’t sweetie” I say “Your parents love you very much and would hate to lose you.”
He shrugs his shoulders as if my response was expected. As if he knew but figured he’d take a stab in the dark anyway. He resumes his coloring. I feel bad for disappointing him but also curious and concerned. I ask him why he wants to live with me. He ignores my question then suddenly whispers “Hey, wanna see my dinosaurs?”
He opens a drawer then brings them over to the bed. Lots of toys and stickers. He wants me to have some. I decline, don’t want him to waste his treasures on me. He insists and I realize that it means a lot to him so I take them. He gives me three sticker dinosaurs…purple, green and yellow.
When his parents return, they seem a little drunk. They give me money, thank me then wave me off. They’re eager for privacy. I’m thankful that they have a separate adjoining room. Cole is in bed tucked under the blankets. He peers at me, his blond hair falls on the pillow. I see his rosy cheeks. When I leave he’s still on my mind. When I reach home I can’t get him out of my mind. I take his dinosaurs and stick them to my purple jewelry box. The dinosaurs watch me every morning and night when I look at myself in the mirror….observing, hating, liking, understanding.
For years after that, I think about Cole and wonder how he is doing.
Filed under: Memories
